Ah, parenthood. There’s always something to debate. Tis the season for the everlasting Santa debate. I am fiercely pro Santa. I verge on the brink of holiday obnoxiousness. It’s my favorite time of the year and having children gives me an excuse to go nuts without judgement.

Christmas movies, music, and decorations turn me into a living Latina Buddy the Elf. I’m all about it. “It” being everything and anything related to the holiday season. ANY holiday during this season. I’m a fan of everything. Celebrating Hanukkah? Pass me a latke. No, pass me three. Fan of Festivus? Awesome. Wait till you see my feats of strength.

I don’t judge non Santa households. I get where they’re coming from. Some parents don’t want an imaginary soot covered chubby dude taking the credit for their hard work. Others have religious reasons. In either case I reserve my judgement. I couldn’t care less who celebrates Christmas with Santa or without.

BUT

If you dare spoil the magic for my family I’ll cut you. I don’t care how crazy that makes me sound. Some girls dreamt of their future wedding day others about…something else. I had fantasies of elaborate Christmas rituals to share with my future children. Giant Christmas trees, coordinated silver and white decorations, and non stop Christmas music throughout the entire month of December. Eggnog would replace water and the scent of fresh pine would permeate my home. Straight up clichéd holiday magic.

My kids are young and understand the basics. There’s a dude named Santa and he brings gifts. They don’t share my enthusiasm for the holidays yet but someday they might. My fear is that a non Santa celebrating kid will ruin the magic for my children because his callous parents didn’t teach him to not ruin things for others. I’m concerned because I’ll have to retaliate. A friend told me that when the son of a dentist broke the news to her child that the tooth fairy wasn’tt real she gave her child permission to tell Mr. Magic Ruining son of a dentist where babies come from. I might steal that. Oh, Santa isn’t real? Well vaginas are and that’s where you came from. Run tell that to your mommy bruh.

Drops mike.

Another option is to hire a Santa, some elves, and reindeer to crash the Christmas morning festivities of the Grinch family. Junior will open the door wide-eyed and have his mind totally blown. He’ll run screaming to his parents “You said he wasn’t real! I hate you!”. I’ll be waiting in the bushes with my camera to capture Mr. and Mrs. Grinch’s bewildered expression as the Reindeer tear up their lawn and eat their shrubs. Then I’ll laugh and laugh. It’ll be great. Best Christmas ever. For me. Not them.

Here’s the deal. You don’t have to believe in Santa or Christmas magic but you better not ruin it for anyone else or there will be consequences. The holidays are beautiful with or without the tradition but my kids are only little once. I love the magic. The look of wonder when they meet Santa at the mall is too sweet to give up yet. Feel free to tell your little Billy Bad A** that there’s no such thing as Santa but if he tells my kids the same prepare yourself.

I’m coming for you.

Do you take part in the Santa tradition in your home? Why or why not?

Veronica Armstrong is a photographer, blogger, and freelance writer whose stories spring from the cinderblock walls of her married graduate student apartment. You can find her on Google+ or see more of her writing and photography on her blog.