Does this sound familiar?

You: I’m so excited. Junior took his first steps today!

Ms. Me Too: That’s great. My son is already running the fifty yard dash. Pretty sure he’ll be competing in the Olympics before he’s three.

or

You: My daughter said her first word today!

Ms. Me Too: That’s so cute. My daughter is already fluent in Latin and has recently begun communicating with forest animals.
Dealing with women like this sucks the life out of me. No lie. It is straight up exhausting and draining. You have to tip toe around their insecurities constantly. There is nothing you can say about your child that won’t prompt them to either one up you or sulk around depressed because their child hasn’t met the same milestone.

I call these chicks Ms. Me Too.

Everyone likes to brag about their kids. All our children are super, special, amazing, little snowflakes. I get it. The problem is women who can’t celebrate the successes of their friends’ kids (or at least quietly tolerate them) without throwing a competitive jab. I’m not sure moms like this realize what they’re doing.

Sometimes it stems from attempts at commiseration. We’re all in it together. I understand that. I’m guilty of being a Ms. Me Too when trying to relate to a mom friend. I catch myself. I’m not competing but someone who doesn’t know me well might take it that way. I want to share in the excitement. Not detract from it. I save my news for later.

Some chicks?

They’ll just do the mom equivalent of Rick James dirty boot stomping on your white couch. Any iota of joy you had in telling your friend about the cute thing your kid did deflates when she starts up with her tall tales. I’m sure your two-year old can whittle wood at a sixth grade level but that’s not what we were discussing, ma’am.

There are also the equally annoying chicks whose smiles quickly turn to frowns when you casually mention that your child reached a milestone that theirs hasn’t. You feel a strange vibe but your friend says nothing. Later on that evening you notice a passive aggressive Facebook status talking about “should I be concerned little Ricky Bobby isn’t break dancing yet?”

Come on, man. Can I live?

You have to watch your words around women like this. They are rarely happy for you. They can’t be. They’re too caught up with self-doubt and parenting uncertainties. Try not to take it personally. Everything parenting related becomes a competition possibly followed by passive aggressive self-loathing. It’s tiresome and I try to avoid women like this. It’s too draining dealing with them. A real friend is genuinely happy for you when good things happen. If something as simple as celebrating your child’s milestone sends them off the deep end it might be best to send them packing.

Have you ever had to deal with a Ms. Me Too?

Words: Veronica Armstrong