Gross Adventures in Motherhood: The Penny Edition

penny
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As a mother I’m used to cleaning dirty diapers, wiping snotty noses and dealing with temper tantrums; however, I have recently been totally grossed out by one of my kids. It all started with a missing penny. After I got done working out, I noticed a spare penny on the ground. I mean to pick it up before one of the toddlers got to it but I forgot and went back to playing Superwoman Mom.

About an hour later, I heard my three-year-old daughter and 11-year-old son arguing downstairs. He kept telling her, “What do you mean you put it in your mouth?” She simply replied, “I swallowed it.” As their voices got progressively louder, I wondered what in the heck they were talking about. All of a sudden it hit me… they were talking about the penny! I jumped off the bed and ran downstairs.

Not knowing what was going on, I asked my husband what were the two kids arguing about. He (oblivious to what was going on) looked at me like I was some mad woman (which I was at this point). I grabbed Lil Mama, opened her mouth and looked for the penny. It wasn't there. I searched in the last location I saw the penny. It wasn't there. Upon further questioning I confirmed my worst fears. Ava had swallowed the penny. ( By the way, while all of this was going on, my 2-year-old looked in amazement at the spectacle I was making.)

I was frantic. She wasn't gasping for air or choking so I did the first thing that came to mind. I made her drink a cup of water while I dialed her pediatrician. While I waited on the doctor to call me back, horrible thoughts raced through my mind. What if she choked? Am I a bad parent? How in the hell did my husband not see all of this going on? Why in the hell did I not just pick up the penny while it was on my mind? When the doctor called me back  she told me (rather calmly) to calm down and gave me instructions.

I was fine with all the other ones until number five. What in the world? Yes, I am an experienced mother; however, who in the hell wants to go through feces–never mind it’s your three-year-old daughter's! For the next 48 hours I had to accompany her to the bathroom and if she pooped I had to scoop it up (with gloves, plastic fork and bag) and feel to see if the penny was there. Every time I was mortified. There were times I almost vomited but I stayed strong for the mission at hand: find the missing penny.

So far I missed her first poop, but every other time I have completed this tedious task. I think the penny passed within the first bathroom visit but just to be on the safe side, I took her to the doctor. Sigh. The things we do for our children.

What’s the grossest part of parenting that you have ever experienced?

 

Franchesca Lane-Warren is a blogger, freelance writer and business owner behind the widely popular BossyGirl in the City blog. Follow her on Twitter @bossygirl1980 for more tidbits on how she sees motherhood, natural hair, running and life- in general.

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Comments

  • igot5onit

    My parents would suck snot out of my nose -_-