My C-Section Made Me Feel Inadequate

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One in three pregnant mothers will now give birth via Cesarean section. Natural birth advocates tsk at this number and spout off the related risks of C-sections (infection, blood clots, blood loss, etc). But for the millions of mothers who give birth in this fashion, hearing all of the negative conversation about C-section can make you feel inadequate and uninformed. I know, because I am one of those mothers. Both of my babies were born via C-section and to this day, I still feel pangs of regret that I did not deliver my baby "naturally".

When pregnant with my first child, I remember making the doctors and nurses light up when I arrived for my frequently appointments. “Your pregnancy is so easy!” they would say. “You’re so lucky. Other women have a lot of difficulty carrying babies. But you’ve got it made!”

Foolishly, I took that to mean that an easy pregnancy meant an easy delivery. Could not have been more wrong about that. I went past my due date and there were no signs of labor getting started anytime soon.

Then one morning, almost to the 41 weeks pregnant mark, I woke up bleeding. Once we got to the hospital, doctors were more concerned about my rapidly spiking blood pressure. A day later I was induced.

Somewhere after the twelfth hour of labor, I developed an 104-degree fever out of nowhere. Concerned about infection, doctors told me that for the safety of the baby, it might be best if we proceeded with a Cesarean. I consented, worried about my little one who was literally baking in my belly.

Five minutes later, my beautiful baby girl was born grumpy and gooey, but healthy. I was in awe.

I didn’t have time to think about the way she entered into the world until I was pregnant with her brother a year later, when I had to make the decision on whether to attempt a VBAC (vaginal birth after Cesarean) or go ahead with a scheduled C-section.

I chose to schedule a C-section. I was scared of the risks of a repeat C-section, but because I already knew what it was like, it felt more “normal” to me.

When other moms talked about how long they pushed and how powerful they felt delivering their babies into the world, I smiled politely and changed the subject. The few times I did talk about my delivery, I would feel the pity in their eyes. One woman actually said to me, “Do you feel cheated out of the birth experience? I would.” Ouch.

Home births are on the rise, as are births at birthing centers, as more women try to avoid the routine medical interventions that often lead to C-sections. Spend time among women passionate about natural birth, and there’s disdain for women with C-section scars. Why weren’t you more informed? Why didn’t you say no when your doctor recommended the surgery? Don’t you know how magical birth can be?

At times, yes, I do feel like I was uninformed. But looking back, I don’t know if there’s anything I would change, so why beat myself up about it? My babies are here, they are healthy, I don’t have any lingering problems, so I should be happy, right?

Did having a C-Section make you feel inadequate?

Tara Pringle Jefferson is the founder of TheYoungMommyLife.com and the author of Make It Happen: The Young Mommy Guide To Creating The Career You Crave. Follow her on Twitter or check out her blog for her insights on what it means to be a mom, wife, student, writer, and about three other labels she’s too tired to remember.

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Comments

  • Dya Gomez

    Yes. I was unable to push my daughter out vaginally. A C-section was called for the safety of my daughter because she was ready to come out vaginally and I was not quick in my pushing. I was very uncomfortable, exhausted and in so much pain. I felt so weak mentally and physically because I felt defeated . I love my daughter to pieces and when they pulled her out I couldn’t stop crying. My only wish was that I could’ve experienced a vaginal birth.

  • kierah

    I do feel pangs about having a C-section. My mom was with me in the delivery room. She was with me through the induction, when I got a fever, when the baby’s heart accelerated and I got put on oxygen, and while I was pushing him out. When his heart rate rate started to decelerate, my doc called for the section. When they saw him, they said, “No wonder, he couldn’t make it down the canal. His cord has wrapped around his neck 3 times.”
    So when I start mooning over missing the vag birth experience, she says, “I was with you in that hospital. You labored. You worked really hard for this baby.”
    The important thing is that I delivered a healthy baby boy.

    • Tara

      I like what your mom said, “You worked really hard for this baby.” That is really nice reassurance!