Abiola’s Love Class: The Power of Being Single

Have you ever been truly single?
When my first marriage completed, I realized that I had not been truly single since I was 15-years-old. I dated my highschool sweetheart until I went to college, had a college boyfriend and then was in a monogamous relationship for 10 years.
Speaking to my girlfriends and dating coaching clients I find similar stories.

If you really stumble upon that one true love in your life, a person who seems to complement your life then it is a different case. If you have found your soulmate and if you find yourself feeling content with what life has been offering to you then you are definitely on the right track. And the relationship is definitely a keeper. But the bitter truth you might learn about when you check blog posts about being in a relationship is that there are some men and women who cannot handle being single. There are some who cannot face the reality of being lonely and this turns out to be a trigger that leads them to fall in love. This is where the foundation goes wrong. Relationships built on some type of necessity, one where you depend on the other person to make you happy or complete you, is a relationship that is difficult to survive in. If you would like to be successful in any relationship you should learn to be happy by yourself instead of finding your happiness in someone else. You should complete yourself and not find your missing pieces in someone else. After all, as they say, you cannot offer anything when you have an empty cup. When you learn to accept yourself wholly and love yourself to bits then you would be happy whether you are single or whether you are in a relationship. This is the type of relationship that is built on a strong core, without any expectations from each other and this is the one that is highly likely to be a happy one.

For all the hoopla about supposedly “single and lonely” black women, many women have never been truly single. Sure, you may check off “single” on your taxes, but many of us are either in a mindset of getting over a past relationship or moving into a new one, if not shacking up. None of these relationship stages constitute a truly single woman.