As the divorce rate hangs steadily between 40% and 50%, many women find themselves asking a surprising and similar question; Am I prepared to become a mother again? If you’re a woman in your late twenties to mid thirties, it’s highly likely that you have been married before and are unfortunately raising one or more children from a previous marriage as a single parent or in a shared custody situation. On the brighter side of it all, if you have been lucky enough to find your way to true love after navigating through the woes of an unsuccessful marriage or adult relationship, Congratulations!
But before you start surfing the web for the perfect ring and obsessing over Martha Stewart wedding articles on your lunch break, you may want to stop to consider the fact that you’re perfect guy has everything you ever wanted except kids. He treats you like a queen, wines and dines you, and yes, even your family loves him; but he doesn’t have children, *sigh*.
Women who happen to be on the lower end of the age totem pole, brazenly welcome the challenge of bearing another child for the man they love without batting so much as a fake eyelash. In fact, these twenty somethings are willing to do it once, maybe even twice more in the name of love. However, for the well over thirty bracket, the thought of stepping foot back in a maternity ward is reminiscent of Michael Jordan coming out of retirement. Sure he can do it, but what will the outcome look like?
To these women I empathetically and compassionately offer this reply, “Relax”. I too stand boldly and semi-proud to be on the cusp of middle age and am facing the dilemma of whether or not I can or should do it again, even with a man that I truly love and who loves me. And what I’m slowly beginning to realize is that the fearful scenarios and anxious thoughts may never truly disappear. It’s very possible that up until the very moment that my third child enters this world with a stifled shrill cry, that I may continue to feel that hesitation and nudge of “what if”. My hope is that sometimes love does conquer all and that maybe, just maybe, good things do happen to good people.
Though there’s no way to be certain that the relationship you’re in currently will stand the test of time, it’s ok to listen to your heart as long as you’re also being true to yourself and your circumstances. By now you should be fully aware that in life things don’t always work out the way you planned but nothing beats a fail but a try. So you may as well eat well, get rest, exercise, and prepare to the best of your ability for what may be the most amazing experience of your lifetime; having a baby within the confines of a healthy relationship that just might last happily ever after.
Words: Sid Powell